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I Hate It Here

4th October, 2006. 10:38 am.

It's the right thing to do.

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10th September, 2006. 3:53 pm. Halariousness

www.march1studios.com/noreason

&

www.myspace.com/murphnoreason
www.myspace.com/jamienoreason

It's the right thing to do.

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15th July, 2006. 11:28 am. I hate it here too

www.march1studios.com/blog

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17th April, 2006. 11:01 am.

And all these stupid silly songs
Keep trying to catch your ear
I'm trying desperately
Its just so hard to persevere
And even if you listened
I never had to much to say
Cause its the same old song
I'm written for the day

Shelter me oh genius words
Just give me strength
Just to pen these things
And give me peace to well her wings
And oh carry on all your minstrels of the world
We will catch our ladies ear
We will win for us the girl

All these minstrels through the ages
That is really all we are
Simply singing for the girl
That makes us try so very hard
To craft the perfect limerick
To wield unending woe
To write such silly songs
And the different never know

Shelter me oh genius words
Just give me strength
Just to pen these things
And give me peace to well her wings
And oh carry on all your minstrels of the world
We will catch our ladies ear
We will win for us the girl

And i'll hold on to the dream
Of this beggar's plea and optimistic fantasy
Just hold the hand and drop the knee
You're facing love
You're embracing melody

Shelter me oh genius words
Just give me strength
Just to pen these things
And give me peace to well her wings
And oh carry on all your minstrels of the world
We will catch our ladies ear
We will win for us the girl

And oh carry on all your minstrels of the world
We will catch our ladies ear
We will win for us the girl

Make Notes

6th October, 2005. 11:38 am. ...yeah.

So I've moved.

Apprarently, I also havent made a correct decision in the last 4 days.

Sweet.

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21st July, 2005. 10:56 am. Face To Face With a Hardcore Legend

http://www.sceneandheard.ca/article.php?id=1232

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11th July, 2005. 10:55 pm. Not Now, but Not Never

Streetcar
Funeral For a Friend

Hello?

And there's the rub,
And we can talk for a while,
But I have sweet nothings to say,
You don't want me anyway
You don't want me anyway
So why?
Why should I stay?

So goodbye to you and your life
Your new best friends
Your confidence
And I'll be here when you get home

Sitting half way
Away from nowhere,
Praying for lips to touch
Holding myself,
For a second
Just to catch you smile
On this ride.

So goodbye to you and your lies
Two months, eight weeks
Your new best friends
Your confidence
Turn my hours into days
And I'll be here when you get home
When you get home

So goodbye to you and your lies
Two months, eight weeks
Your new best friends
Your confidence
Turn my hours into days
And I'll be here when you get home
When you get home

I can't feel the same about you anymore

It's just like you said
It would be
It's never easy

I can't feel the same
I can't feel this way
I can't feel the same about you anymore

It's never easy, without you anymore

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10th June, 2005. 12:00 am. Batman Begins

I saw Batman Begins at a press screening today.

It could be one of the best movies I have ever seen.

This is Batman as he should be.

No bright lights, not nipples on the batsuit, and an amazing story crammed with action and emotion.

full review coming soon to sceneandheard.ca

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23rd March, 2005. 11:30 am. A Lucero Double Shot


Nights Like These

It's nights like these that make me sleep all day
It's nights like these that make you feel so far away
It's nights like these when nothing is for sure
It's nights like these I don't want you anymore

And I've only got this one wish
That I was good enough to make you forget
The only boy who ever broke your heart
Cause nights like these tear me apart

It's nights like these the sad songs don't help
It's nights like these your heart's with someone else
It's nights like these I feel like giving up
It's nights like these I don't seem to count for much

The beer tastes like blood and my mouth is numb
I can't make the words I need to say
She had a weakness for writers
And I was never that good at the words anyways

*****

It Gets The Worst At Night

it gets the worst at night
with nothing on my mind
but you
i'm thinking too damn much
i go ahead and get up
and put on my boots
so i can drive as far as i can get from you

on my way out of town
i drive by your house
two times
it don't do me no good
i didn't think that it would
'cause you're not mine
you might have seen me but i kept on driving by
gonna lose myself on some dark road tonight
'cause there's something 'bout just laying down and taking all that pain
i'd rather drive all night, if it's all the same
'cause half a tank of gas will get me far enough
to be completely lost by the time the sun comes up

and so it's four a.m.
i'm on the road again
to find some peace
some old gravel road
god only knows
there's nothing for me
and there ain't nothing left for me in tennessee
because i know you're not awake thinking of me
and there's something 'bout just laying down and taking all that pain
i'd rather drive all night if it's all the same
'cause half a tank of gas will get me far enough
to be completely lost by the time the sun comes up

and there ain't nothing left for me in tennessee
'cause i know you're not awake thinking of me

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15th March, 2005. 4:24 pm. Is it possible...

...to actually become addicted to someone?

This is something I've been mulling over lately, because I think I might in fact be an addict in this case. No matter how badly I try to tell myself she doesn’t want me, and I need to move on, I find it impossible to do. She's like a drug (and will be referred to as "The Drug" from this point on), and I find it harder and harder to give her up. So, with the help of Kidshealth.org, lets look at this logically, first by defining addiction:

"Addiction means a person has no control over whether he or she uses The Drug. A person who's addicted to cocaine has grown so used to The Drug that he or she has to have it. Addiction can be physical, psychological, or both.

Physical addiction is when a person's body actually becomes dependent on a particular substance (even smoking is physically addictive). It also means that a person builds tolerance to The Drug, so that person needs a larger dose than ever before to get the same effects. When a person who is physically addicted stops using a substance like The Drug, alcohol, or cigarettes, he or she may experience withdrawal symptoms. Withdrawal can be like having the flu - common symptoms are sweats, shaking, and generally feeling awful.

Psychological addiction happens when the cravings for The Drug are psychological or emotional. People who are psychologically addicted feel overcome by the desire to have The Drug. They may lie or steal to get it.

A person crosses the line between abuse and addiction when he or she is no longer trying The Drug to have fun or get high, and his or her whole life centers around the need for The Drug. An addicted person - whether it's a physical or psychological addiction or both - no longer has a choice in taking The Drug."

Ok, That’s pretty straight forward, and it makes a compelling argument for addiction in this case. Probably more so in the Psychological sense, but I have had withdrawal like symptoms before, usually caused by the crash down after spending a lot of time with The Drug, and with high having passed, I'm left with nothing but the cold truth of rejection. I do often times crave larger doses (which in this case are likened to time spent, and attentions given), and I often feel like I am out of control with my desire for The Drug. So things are not looking good... let's go back to Kidshealth.org, and go through the common signs of addiction.

"Signs of Addiction
The most obvious sign of an addiction is the need to have a particular drug or substance. However, there are many other signs that can suggest a possible addiction, such as changes in mood or weight loss or gain. (These are also signs of other conditions, too, though, such as depression or eating disorders.)"


Ok... check, check, and check.

Signs that you or someone you know may have a drug or alcohol addiction include:

Psychological signals:


use of The Drug as a way to forget problems or to relax
When I am with The Drug, that definitely happens and I feel free and clear.

withdrawal or keeping secrets from family and friends
I sometimes lie about where I am and who I'm with because I know my friends don’t approve of The Drug, and want me to rid myself of it.

loss of interest in activities that used to be important
I have cancelled or moved plans to meet The Drug’s schedule.

problems with schoolwork, such as slipping grades or absences
I haven’t been to school in years. But that’s not really related to The Drug.

changes in friendships, such as hanging out only with friends who use The Drug
This one I think I’m ok on. I still hang out with the same people, some of whom are friends with The Drug, some who aren’t.

spending a lot of time figuring out how to get The Drug
More sleepless nights and pub-lit conversations than I’d like to admit.

stealing or selling belongings to be able to afford The Drug
The Drug makes more money than I do, so no.

failed attempts to stop taking The Drug
Again, more times than I’m willing to admit.

anxiety, anger, or depression
Yes, Yes, and a resounding yes.

mood swings
See above question, and not only in the same day, but often the same moment.

Physical signals:

changes in sleeping habits
I never really knew what insomnia was like until these past few months. Now, I’m a veteran.

feeling shaky or sick when trying to stop
Sadly yes. It’s very scary when a person’s actions can affect you in this way.

needing to take more of the substance to get the same effect
As much of The Drug as I can get…

changes in eating habits, including weight loss or gain
Because of The Drug, my weight is up and down because I’m not eating regularly, and when I dot its usually deep-fried “comfort” foods.

So there it is, I think its safe to say that I am probably 100% addicted. I don’t want to be, I don’t want to let The Drug have so much control over me, but I can’t seem to help it.

The sickest part is, I know how bad it is for me. How much unnecessary stress it puts on me. But I just can’t seem to stop.

Maybe if she’s my heroin, I need someone else to be my methadone. Or maybe I’ll O.D. one day and that will be that.

If anyone knows any good 12-step programs for this, please contact me.

I’ll be out getting a fix.

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